


You're gonna miss me

by Animeangel1798



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Izaya is tired of feeling unwanted, M/M, Pining, Sad, Temporarily Unrequited Love, implied enemies with benefits, referanced sexual content, shizuo doesn't know what to feel, shizuo is a little but of a jerk at first
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2015-11-27
Packaged: 2018-05-03 14:37:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5295044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Animeangel1798/pseuds/Animeangel1798
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn't quite know when hatred turned to mutual lust, nor did he know when his feelings turned to something soft. Something weird that left a warm, tight feeling in his chest. He knew when it turned to pain though. Sharp, and vicious pain every time Shizuo glared at him in disgust, every time Shizuo told him he was awful, worthless, not worth his time. Pain that twisted his stomach every time Shizuo shoved him, naked and used, out of bed and told him to leave.</p><p>"Will you miss me Shizu-chan? When I'm gone."</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're gonna miss me

He has to leave soon. Its a fact he's used to by now so the dull ache in his chest is ignored. Its dark but not to dark that he can't see Shizuo's face, the pale moonlight lights up his features and Izaya's brow furrows. Shizuo had passed out before kicking him out of his bed, which was a rare occurrence Izaya had taken advantage of.

He sighed, Shizuo looked peaceful now but if he woke up and Izaya was still here he'd be furious. Izaya had only made that mistake once. He remembered the look on Shizuo's face as he realized Izaya was still there. Confusion, surprise, and disgust crossing his face one by one as he woke. Izaya was roughly shoved out of bed and told to get lost. He did.

He didn't quite know when hatred turned to mutual lust, nor did he know when his feelings turned to something soft. Something weird that left a warm, tight feeling in his chest. He knew when it turned to pain though. Sharp, and vicious pain every time Shizuo glared at him in disgust, every time Shizuo told him he was awful, worthless, not worth his time. Pain that twisted his stomach every time Shizuo shoved him, naked and used, out of bed and told him to leave.

He slowly reached out and oh so gently laid his hand on Shizuo's cheek, Shizuo didn't even flinch. Izaya knew he wouldn't, Shizuo was a heavy sleeper. Izaya's eyes softened and his lips turned up into a sad smirk

"I'm pathetic aren't I? Pining after my enemy."

whispered words that Shizuo would never hear, but would probably agree with.

Izaya rested his forehead against Shizuo's, lightly as possible

"Will you miss me Shizu-chan? When I'm gone. I can't stay here anymore. It hurts to much."

He pressed a shaky kiss to Shizuo's temple and, reluctantly, moved away. He had to get cleaned up and leave. Before Shizuo woke up. Before the pain took hold.

He stopped at the door and looked back one last time, the moonlight made the scene seem so peaceful, so tempting. Sheets rumpled and warm, practically beckoning him back. Izaya clenched his fists, nails pressing crescents into his palms before relaxing, a sad smile on his lips

"Good-by Shizu-chan."

He stepped though the door and out into the night. He shivered at the cold as he walked. He knew where he was going, had been planning this for a while. Note set to be delivered by Celty (Not that she knew what it was or who it was from) and train tickets bought. He was leaving. Leaving Shizuo, and leaving the pain.

He boarded the train and handed the attendant his ticket, nobody was on this late (or early depending on how you looked at it) except for the shadier or homeless people. As it was there were only two men in the car he chose.

He sat down and sighed, looking out the window. He didn't quite know where he was going but he didn't really care. He had already informed all his regular clients he'd be unavailable for a while and he had more than enough money to get him wherever he needed to go. He wasn't going back until he got rid of these feelings... or Shizuo followed his note.

He held in a laugh, as if Shizuo cared enough to miss him. A convenient fuck was a convenient fuck, especially when you don't have to worry about hurting them like Shizuo normally would. Hurting Izaya probably would have been a bonus for him if he ever had. Izaya sighed and pulled a book out of his travel bag. He didn't want to think about it anymore.

~~~

When Shizuo woke up that morning everything seemed normal. The Flea was gone but his weird scent still remained. Shizuo grimaced and got up to open a window, hoping to air it out a little. He didn't know why he even bothered sleeping with that louse. Sure he was good in bed and Shizuo didn't have to worry about hurting him to much but was it really worth it?

He sighed and looked around, his clothes were strewn all over the floor and the bed was a mess. He changed into some fresh clothes and began to tidy up a little. He had the day off and plans to hang out with Shinra and Celty, which was bound to be interesting at the very least.

He had a small breakfast, cereal and milk with a glass of milk (of course) and then made his way over to Shinra's. He rung the bell and Shinra opened the door a moment later with a large smile

"Ah Shizuo! Come in! Hey do you agree with me that Celty would look lovely in a stapless dress? I would love to see that but Celt says it wouldn't suit her and-"

Celty cuts him off from his rant by jabbing him in the side as she held up her phone for Shizuo to read

-Good to see you again-

Shizuo smiled at their antics

"Same here Celty."

He follows Celty as she walks towards the living room, Shinra hanging off her arm.

They all sit down and talk for a while before Shinra perks up

"Oh yeah! I almost forgot! Celty where's that envelope?"

Celty's helmet tips in confusion before also perking up, materializing the envelope from thin air and handing it to Shizuo.

Shizuo's brow furrowed

"What's this?"

Celty typed fast and held up her phone

-We don't know. It was slid under our door and it had a note on it that told us to give it to you.-

Shinra leaned closer

"I wanted to open it but Celty wouldn't let me. I really want to know who it's from."

Shizuo looked at the letter for a minute, trying to figure out who it could be from but he had no clue. Anybody who knew him also knew where he lived. If it was somebody who knew where Shinra and Celty lived then they would definitely know where he lived.

He opened the envelope slowly, careful not to tear anything that may be inside, and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He opened the letter and began to read

_\---_

_Dear Shizu-chan, don't stop reading. I know you want to know that you know who's writing this. Still there? Good._

_I'm leaving. Not that you probably care, the reason why is, my feelings towards you have taken a surprising turn._

_Ah but feelings is a tricky word isn't it? I know you don't usually think through your feelings but hear me out. I know you feel nothing but hatred and the occasional lust for me, and at one point I felt the same of you. I guess its true when they say "Spend enough time with somebody and you will learn to like them" I spent a little to much time on Shizu-chan I think. Though it seems that saying doesn't always work both ways._

_If you also like me meet me on the roof of Raira at midnight in one month. I don't expect to see you there but it's nice to believe right shizu-chan? I hope you've read and understood this letter, though I wouldn't put it past you to have crumpled it the moment you knew it was me._

_Sorry you'll have to find somebody else to sleep with but I'm not a masochist, no matter how much it seems that way._

_~ Izaya Orihara_

_\---_

Shizuo read and re-read the letter before the meaning fully sank in and he could only stare at the paper in shock. The Flea had left. He'd left because he was in love with Shizuo and found the love... unrequited? Shizuo had never thought on his own feelings on the matter, Izaya had been right about that, so he honestly had no idea how he felt about Izaya at this point. The Flea was still awful but when he was in bed he was soft, he was nice.

There had been the time Shizuo had woken up to find Izaya still there. It had only happened once but he remembered it clearly, waking up with Flea stench strong in his nose (though he'd never admit it he didn't really mind Izaya's smell that much. It wasn't even all that bad once he got used to it.) Izaya had seemed content, almost happy, it had weirded Shizuo out, mostly because he'd never seen Izaya show genuine emotion outside of when he was being fucked.

There had been a weird unfamiliar feeling in his chest and he'd reacted by throwing on a look of disgust and kicking Izaya out. He didn't want that weird feeling there and Izaya was the cause. He was sure. But now Izaya was leaving and he didn't know how to feel...

suddenly a hand snapped in front of his face and he flinched, finally taking notice of his surroundings. Shinra was looking at him in curiosity and slight concern while Celty's mask somehow managed to convey worry.  He sighed

"The letter's from Izaya..."

Shinra looked knowing but Celty just tilted her helmet

-What did it say?-

Shizuo grimaced

"Well..."

Shinra smiled

'I'll explain Shizuo."

Shizuo sighed, already figuring Shinra knew so he nodded his head.

Shinra just smiled wider and began to explain

"Shizuo and Izaya have been sleeping together for a while. The used to hate each other but now Izaya's in love with Shizuo and is to scared to tell him in person so he sent him a letter, I'd guess about him leaving?"

Shizuo just nodded, slight blush adorning his face Shinra continued

"So Shizuo now has to decide whether he likes Izaya back or if he'll break Izaya's heart. It's a great story right Celty?"

Shizuo sighed

"Could you at least pretend you aren't enjoying this? It's a delicate situation."

Shinra just smiled but Celty leaned forward

-Delicate? How so?-

Shizuo frowned

"I don't know if I hate Izaya or like him. I never thought about it. He made me angry so I wanted to kill him. He was hot so we had sex. It was always that simple, this is complicated."

Shinra patted Shizuo on the shoulder

"I'm sure you'll figure it out. Though how anybody could like Izaya is beyond me. He's nothing like my beautiful Celty."

Celty slapped Shinra on the arm but Shizuo knew if she could blush she would have been. Shizuo smiled slightly

"Yeah. I'll figure it out"

They parted ways soon after that, Shizuo needed time to think, about himself, and about Izaya. It was going to take a lot of thought to figure this out.

**Author's Note:**

> Heavily inspired by the song You're gonna miss me By: Anna Kendrick (AKA the cup song)
> 
> I just needed sad Shizaya ok? That's all I want. I'm sorry for the feels.


End file.
